The recent screening of Nintendo’s The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time remake has proven a thing of existential horror for many grey-haired Zeldenthusiasts. Is that you, Link? What have they done to you, boy? Why do you look like a possessed doll? Where have all your sharp edges gone? Eek, I can see individual divots on Epona’s neck.
Rest easy, traveller. Let us play the titular Ocarina and warp back to the good old days. No, not the heyday of the N64 – that three-pronged controller was an instrument of the Devil. I mean the real good old days, when Link looked like a cockroach and hills hadn’t been invented yet. But oh, what’s this? We have played the Ocarina wrong and messed up the spacetime continuum. We have somehow generated a version of NES-era Zelda that overlaps with another long-lost game, Namco’s 60-floor maze RPG The Tower of Druaga – itself a huge influence on the original Zelda games. It appears that Prince Ganondorf has been abducted by the evil queen Zeldaga. That harridan! Time to go questing for some keys.
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